On the 12th of March my mid-life
“gap” year was officially over.
As I flew back to Perth
I hoped then, and I know now, that my year
was such a rich and transforming series of moments and experiences, that it
will continue to “feed” me (physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually) while
I start my next adventure and until I take off again for my next “gap” year.
As most of us know, when life does not turn
out the way you expected or wanted, or felt you deserved, it can be a traumatic
experience, and there is no one-size-fits-all way to cope. There are however,
some things that help, that allow you to slowly regain your equilibrium and
begin to start living again.
In my case, part of that process was
travelling on my own, for a year, armed with my lap top and my new Samsonite
light luggage (this girl is no back packer) a “bucket list” of sorts and a
goal- to take the opportunity to reflect on what I had learned in life so far.
(Hopefully that information will take a literary form eventually, but for now
is still floating on the internet as this blog)
I had two immediate goals when I got back,
firstly to spend some time with my Dad and help him to get whatever support he needed
to remain independent, healthy and happy at home and to find a job that was a
“good fit”, (allowed me to contribute, use my skills, continue to learn and
grow, paid a fair wage and have work/life balance) and be practical enough to use in the future- perhaps in the humanitarian field.
I have now been back three months, and both
those goals have been achieved. I am also back in my little flat in South Perth after a very disappointing, upsetting and
expensive lesson about “trust”.
It is a public holiday today, and just as
well, as getting back to full time work has been an adjustment. Finding time to
shop, pay the bills, read and respond to my emails and do domestics has become
my biggest challenge. Gone for the moment are the blissful café breaks of my
“previous” life, reading the paper, writing, catching up with friends and being
self employed.
Now I am up at about 6.15am most mornings,
to pack lunch, try to get in my daily qigong and exercise before heading off to work
as a counsellor with an EAP company (an organisation that provides counselling
for personal or work issues to the employees of their 4000 odd client
organisations including government departments, utilities, mining companies,
and a variety of other health, education, logistic and financial institutions).
My colleagues are mainly psychologists
(this is an interesting experience in itself) and I deal with a diverse group of clients
and issues- last week for example I saw 30 clients for issues ranging from
depression, stress, relationship break downs, loss and grief, eating disorders,
addictions, parenting issues, abuse, trauma and violence and workplace
bullying!
At the heart of most issues, is a sense of “stuckness”
and being under resourced. I genuinely love when I am able to make a
difference- to remind people of their strengths, to help them regain and
refocus their energy and make decisions which are in line with their wellbeing
and values.
Life outside of work is full and enjoyable.
I have reconnected with old friends and
made new ones. Salsa dancing is my passion, although I have realised that I am
actually not technically that good at it! I have told my ego to take a break
and am going back to basics. (I’m told it’s not uncommon but girls who don’t
dance well often try to lead, so poor long suffering David was not only dealing
with his own left feet all those years ago!) That said, I danced so much last
night that my shoes literally fell apart. Now that, to me, is serious fun!
I’m continuing with my Spanish, joined a
book club and am exploring Perth’s new “grown up” food, art and café scene. I
haven’t formally ventured into dating again, online or otherwise and remain
open to possibility (I have realised that I am boringly romantic in some ways)
although I think I am probably better suited to sharing my life with a few friends with benefits rather than a life
partner again. I have after all tried it twice without success! A friend of
mine thinks marriage should be a 5 year renewable contract, I kind of agree and
think the concept should be extended to all relationships!
An sms has just given me the news that
someone I used to be close to has terminal cancer. We have been estranged for
some time, partly because I could see this day coming and I felt powerless to
stop it. How arrogant of me! If I’ve learned one thing through my own
experiences it’s that we all have our own journey and lessons to learn.
What I know for sure is that I don’t want
to swap lives with anyone, or be 20 again or change anything (other than take
back anything that I have said, done, felt or thought that was hurtful or
damaging to others or to myself).
In the last few years, I have been
exploring and studying all aspects of wellbeing and have been influenced and
inspired by the shift I am seeing towards integrating rather than separating.
Science and the humanities are becoming friends and in doing so, they give us
tangible proof that anything is possible.
There is now no argument that we are “energy
beings” (This intangible, but palpable energy is measured daily with every ECG,
EEG and various other medical machinery) and we are part of nature. Like all
energy therefore, we cannot be destroyed and as part of nature we are
programmed for change, evolution and transformation.
I believe we are all potentially
masterpieces in progress, and am beginning to see and feel and truly value the
unique qualities and beauty in myself.
Most mornings I go down to the river for a
walk and to do my qigong. It too has been a process of evolving and
transforming and I have developed my own routine, a synthesis of styles,
movement, meditation and affirmation. It is a ritual that is grounding, life
affirming, centring and fun. I watch the day wake up and with it my own energy
and gratitude is renewed. It ends with the following words
I am seeing more clearly, I am hearing more
clearly, I am speaking my truth gently and authentically, I am noticing,
acknowledging and honouring all of my feelings
I am using my hand, head and heart, with ease
and grace, flow and fun, love and gratitude…and with these words and energy, I
begin my day.
Wishing each and every one of you, what you
most want and need for yourselves.
I am grateful and blessed to have you in my
life.
Here are a few photos of my river, and
city.
Love
 |
| my favourite qigong spot |
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| another qigong spot |
 |
| this fellow has kept me company a few times |
 |
| my city at night |
 |
| a rainbow of possibility |
 |
| with each sunrise |
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| nnew day |
 |
| and new sunset |
 |
| view from my balcony |
Mon x
