mymidlifegapyear: June 2012

On the 12^th of March my mid-life “gap” year was officially over.

As I flew back to Perth, I wondered how I would cope, how I would manage the “real” world, and start again, on my own.

I hoped then, and I know now, that my year was such a rich and transforming series of moments and experiences, that it will continue to “feed” me (physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually) while I start my next adventure and until I take off again for my next “gap” year.

As most of us know, when life does not turn out the way you expected or wanted, or felt you deserved, it can be a traumatic experience, and there is no one-size-fits-all way to cope. There are however, some things that help, that allow you to slowly regain your equilibrium and begin to start living again.

In my case, part of that process was travelling on my own, for a year, armed with my lap top and my new Samsonite light luggage (this girl is no back packer) a “bucket list” of sorts and a goal- to take the opportunity to reflect on what I had learned in life so far. (Hopefully that information will take a literary form eventually, but for now is still floating on the internet as this blog)

I had two immediate goals when I got back, firstly to spend some time with my Dad and help him to get whatever support he needed to remain independent, healthy and happy at home and to find a job that was a “good fit”, (allowed me to contribute, use my skills, continue to learn and grow, paid a fair wage and have work/life balance) and be practical enough to use in the future- perhaps in the humanitarian field.

I have now been back three months, and both those goals have been achieved. I am also back in my little flat in South Perth after a very disappointing, upsetting and expensive lesson about “trust”.

It is a public holiday today, and just as well, as getting back to full time work has been an adjustment. Finding time to shop, pay the bills, read and respond to my emails and do domestics has become my biggest challenge. Gone for the moment are the blissful café breaks of my “previous” life, reading the paper, writing, catching up with friends and being self employed.

Now I am up at about 6.15am most mornings, to pack lunch, try to get in my daily qigong and exercise before heading off to work as a counsellor with an EAP company (an organisation that provides counselling for personal or work issues to the employees of their 4000 odd client organisations including government departments, utilities, mining companies, and a variety of other health, education, logistic and financial institutions).

My colleagues are mainly psychologists (this is an interesting experience in itself) and I deal with a diverse group of clients and issues- last week for example I saw 30 clients for issues ranging from depression, stress, relationship break downs, loss and grief, eating disorders, addictions, parenting issues, abuse, trauma and violence and workplace bullying!

At the heart of most issues, is a sense of “stuckness” and being under resourced. I genuinely love when I am able to make a difference- to remind people of their strengths, to help them regain and refocus their energy and make decisions which are in line with their wellbeing and values.

Life outside of work is full and enjoyable.

I have reconnected with old friends and made new ones. Salsa dancing is my passion, although I have realised that I am actually not technically that good at it! I have told my ego to take a break and am going back to basics. (I’m told it’s not uncommon but girls who don’t dance well often try to lead, so poor long suffering David was not only dealing with his own left feet all those years ago!) That said, I danced so much last night that my shoes literally fell apart. Now that, to me, is serious fun!

I’m continuing with my Spanish, joined a book club and am exploring Perth’s new “grown up” food, art and café scene. I haven’t formally ventured into dating again, online or otherwise and remain open to possibility (I have realised that I am boringly romantic in some ways) although I think I am probably better suited to sharing my life with a few friends with benefits rather than a life partner again. I have after all tried it twice without success! A friend of mine thinks marriage should be a 5 year renewable contract, I kind of agree and think the concept should be extended to all relationships!

An sms has just given me the news that someone I used to be close to has terminal cancer. We have been estranged for some time, partly because I could see this day coming and I felt powerless to stop it. How arrogant of me! If I’ve learned one thing through my own experiences it’s that we all have our own journey and lessons to learn.

What I know for sure is that I don’t want to swap lives with anyone, or be 20 again or change anything (other than take back anything that I have said, done, felt or thought that was hurtful or damaging to others or to myself).

In the last few years, I have been exploring and studying all aspects of wellbeing and have been influenced and inspired by the shift I am seeing towards integrating rather than separating. Science and the humanities are becoming friends and in doing so, they give us tangible proof that anything is possible.

There is now no argument that we are “energy beings” (This intangible, but palpable energy is measured daily with every ECG, EEG and various other medical machinery) and we are part of nature. Like all energy therefore, we cannot be destroyed and as part of nature we are programmed for change, evolution and transformation.

I believe we are all potentially masterpieces in progress, and am beginning to see and feel and truly value the unique qualities and beauty in myself.

Most mornings I go down to the river for a walk and to do my qigong. It too has been a process of evolving and transforming and I have developed my own routine, a synthesis of styles, movement, meditation and affirmation. It is a ritual that is grounding, life affirming, centring and fun. I watch the day wake up and with it my own energy and gratitude is renewed. It ends with the following words

I am seeing more clearly, I am hearing more clearly, I am speaking my truth gently and authentically, I am noticing, acknowledging and honouring all of my feelings

I am using my hand, head and heart, with ease and grace, flow and fun, love and gratitude…and with these words and energy, I begin my day.

Wishing each and every one of you, what you most want and need for yourselves.

I am grateful and blessed to have you in my life.

Here are a few photos of my river, and city.

Love