Homeward Bound

My last Business Class trip on staff travel....it was so great while it lasted!

In a few days I will be heading back to Australia.

When I set off on the 12^th March 2011 for this “mid life gap year” experience, there were a few things that I wanted to experience.

The year was to be a kind of “sabbatical”, a chance to travel, cross off a few items on my “bucket list”, do some study, explore the possibility of humanitarian work, and reflect on what I had learned in life so far.

When I left, I also had a few unanswered questions.

Officially, I still have time before my “mid life gap year” is over, but in many ways, when I leave Hong Kong this time, there will be a full stop at  the end of an amazing chapter.

That said, this journey is far from over.

The next few months will be different in energy, but I am looking forward to this time as well, and I know that sometime in the future there will be another exclamation mark!

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Anita Moorjaani’s story is fascinating. (www.anitamoorjaani.com) I met her just after she had totally recovered after one of the few medically verified cases of NDE. Her book “Dying to be me” is due out shortly and I am sure it will be a best seller.

 

I have heard it said that dealing with difficult personal challenges makes you stronger, but I am not so sure. There have been many times when I have felt vulnerable, foolish, weak and confused. What I know for sure is that for a while I felt broken, having lost so much that was important to me at the same time. It took longer than I thought and wanted, and it was not always what I expected, but it was a process that honoured the past, was grounded in the present and was open to the possibility of a happier future. I learned once again, that there is no easy way through loss, but that there was a way to get through it, and it was not “time” that helped me heal. It took a lot of things including, acknowledgement, presence, acceptance, allowing, patience, action, compassion, forgiveness, gratitude, love, support and most importantly self love.   

Interestingly, I don’t feel stronger, I just feel more like “me”, and I’m so glad that I didn’t have to literally “die” to get here.

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It’s a beautiful sunny winter morning in Hong Kong when I catch a taxi from Happy Valley to the airport express. As we drive along the racecourse and skyscrapers past a skyline that I know off by heart, I am remembering the excitement I felt when I arrived here for the first time, and all the experiences I have had since then.

  

I am glad I came back to say a proper goodbye.

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It is a balmy summer evening in Perth when I land. I’m here for a week to see my Dad, and then head over East, to explore Tasmania, visit friends and attend a workshop in Sydney before heading back to Perth in March.

After a busy week, I am glad to be back. It’s been good to see friends and spend time with my Dad and watch myself tentatively walk through the door of my new life alone.

At times I have felt like a visitor but at others it feels like I’m home.  

And you can’t tell just by looking at me, but I’ve fallen off a few more pedestals lately, but I don’t feel damaged anymore.  

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I’m at Sydney airport, on my way to Hobart, after flying to Cairns.

I’m going to miss the smell and feel and sounds of airports. They have their own energy and rules and schedules, a melting pot of difference, where time stands still and races all at once.

Airports are rich landscapes for observing people and witnessing the best and worst of human nature. Staff can be courteous or officious, passengers can be disgruntled, impatient or excited and people who would never normally meet are thrown together for a brief moment before disappearing back into their own diverse lives, and it is in that intersecting brief space and only if you pay attention and grab the opportunity, that a world of possibilities opens …and closes again…

Kind of like the rest of life...

celebrating a friend's good fortune at Mettam's Pool

a stunning WA sunset over the Indian Ocean

One way to transform a special journey into a long lasting experience... food for thought

My old family home is for sale again...wonder where "home" will be in the future  

Sweet, Spicy and Sour...

fresh local produce 

This handy kitchen gadget is on my list of  things to buy

Pad Thai, Tom Yum Goong and Crispy fried snapper with mango salad...

it's early morning but for this gorgeous "lady boy" work hours are not fixed

Typical Bangkok street

The fast, cheap and efficient Sky train is a great way to get around

city scape from my hotel

lots of market stalls spring up every day

food stalls serve cheap fast snacks

soap carving , by skilled locals

al

sign on taxi window...about what you are not allowed to do on the back seat...other banned activities include vomiting!

just some of the local transport 

“Can you taste the sweet, the sour and the spicy?” asks Angsana. “That’s when you know it’s a good Tom Yum Goong.

I let the flavours spread across my tongue but I’m not quite sure. I can taste the spice of the chilli, and the sweetness of the sugar but I am not sure I can really taste the sourness of the lime juice. 

“Sometimes you have to wait a while…a bit like wine needs to breathe, the soup needs to cool down a bit for all the flavours to come through”…I wait a while, and she is right.

Angsana Andersson (wwww.thaihomecooking.com) is married with two young children. She is passionate about food. She learned to cook watching her mother and grandmother in their small family business, a food stall in a small village about two hours from Bangkok. She loves teaching tourists (mainly Australians and Americans) how to cook authentic Thai food, with quality ingredients and fresh local produce.  

I meet her at 9.30am outside McDonald’s at On Nut sky train station and we go by car to a local market where we buy the fresh ingredients for the three dishes I have chosen to cook.

Although I could have chosen a cheaper, larger cooking school, (some others that were recommended were www.baipai.com, www.blueelephant.com and www.amitathaicooking.com) I have chosen Angsana’s cooking class because I am supporting a local businesswoman but also because it is the only one that allows me to choose my own menu, a mix of seafood and vegetarian dishes.

I almost cancelled the class, as I was feeling quite sore and unwell after some minor surgery, but am so glad I didn’t.

Under Angsana's expert direction I was soon chopping, slicing, grinding and stirring my way through three recipes and three hours later we were sitting down to eat a superb meal!

The 2800 baht cost includes a trip to the market, ingredients for three dishes and all recipes.

Food, shopping and medical tourism....just some of the things on offer in Bangkok

There’s a seedier, sadder side to Bangkok.

First there’s the obvious “in your face” poverty. It’s not possible to go very far along the sidewalk before seeing someone (often with serious physical disabilities) begging, many are very young children, on their own, with thin bodies and hungry eyes holding plastic cups asking for money. I remember struggling with what to do when I came to Bangkok regularly years ago. Do I give something, or do I walk past?

I never really came up with a consistent response, other than I rarely give money to small children. I haven’t yet found a way to “give” that makes a lasting difference. I have heard all the valid arguments for not giving, but I still find it hard to walk past someone who is begging without making the obvious comparison between them and myself, and often feeling guilty.  

When people are desperate, it makes them vulnerable to exploitation. The sex trade in Thailand (and in other places) is testament to this. I was in a camera shop looking at an instamatic camera a few days ago, where the staff member spoke little English. A fat middle aged Australian guy was looking at a similar camera. A young Thai teenage boy was with him. I was aware of a vague question coming into my consciousness about what their relationship was, but was distracted when the man responded to my questions as the shop assistant didn’t understand me. I thanked the man and followed him out of the shop. It was only when the young boy put his hand on the man’s back and guided him down the laneway that a feeling of revulsion came over me. I might have been wrong, but the body language and energy was very strong. The man and boy were “together”. It was hard not to wonder what the purpose of the camera was.

I watched the wave of judgement roll over me and wondered why I didn’t have a similar reaction in Cuba. After all, I was part of a demographic there (middle aged single or post marriage break up woman) that was known for hooking up with younger Cuban men (the reverse is also true-older ‘foreign” men hooking up with young Cuban women).    

Perhaps it is only a subtle difference, a matter of degree, but to me it makes a difference. In Cuba, the age difference, that I saw at least, was not so pronounced.  It matters to me that the man in the camera shop was old enough to be the young boy’s grandfather.

IThe International Classification of Diseases (ICD) defines pedophilia as a "disorder of adult personality and behaviour" in which there is a sexual preference for children of prepubertal or early pubertal age.

I am aware that in some cultures sexual relationships between older men and teenage girls or boys is sanctioned (I’m not sure about examples of the reverse) but to me, it is not just about an age difference, but the degree to which there is a power differential which makes a situation exploitative and wrong, no matter how you package it.

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On a lighter note, it is hard to go a few steps anywhere in Bangkok without being offered a range of spa services. A “spa experience” was on my list of things to do, and although for a number of reasons I didn’t quite manage the week long Thai massage and tropical food indulgence I was planning, (I have consoled myself by thinking that you have to leave a few things to do on your bucket list for the future) I have managed to have a few reflexology sessions and massages experiences (with varying degrees of pleasure and professionalism) on my trip so far.

Luckily I did have an opportunity for one “package” here in Bangkok, before my local anaesthetic, turned general anaesthetic procedure put paid to any more indulgence. 

Oasis Spa www.oasisspa.net was recommended to me by my hotel. http://www.amari.com/boulevard/special-rates.aspx?gclid=CJng-Mq-uq0CFcEc6wodTWCz-w

I was torn between the 4 hand massage 2500 ++ THB or a package for 2700 ++ BHT which I eventually settled on. It was divine. It included a body scrub, facial and massage and took about 2.5 hours.

From the moment I was picked up at the hotel it was a relaxing experience. The car was immaculate and air conditioned, soft music was playing and the air was perfumed with aromatherapy fragrances. Although the spa is in the centre of Bangkok, it is a quiet and peaceful setting, with landscaped gardens and water features.

I am greeted by a lovely young man who gives me a welcome drink and explains the package.

The rest is a sensory treat catering to my other senses. My therapist is skilled and professional. The scrub smells divine, the facial is relaxing and the massage is perfect.  

When my driver drops me off a few hours later, I am floating and deliciously relaxed.

I am only sorry I can’t go back for the 4 hand massage.

Other things to do in Bangkok  

Visit bustling Khao San Road or take in a show at Calypso cabaret www.calypsocabaret.com  850 BHT ++ featuring some beautiful and talented local singers and dancers who take you on a musical world tour.  

Popular Tours

Visit the Royal Grand Palace

Floating markets

River Kwai and Death Railway

or go to Cambodia to visit Angkor Wat

Medical and Dental Tourism

I can highly recommend www.thantakit.com a longstanding dental centre that has been providing services to visitors since

1945. They provide a pick up service from your hotel and the staff speak perfect English, are experienced and professional. An exam and consult costs 200-500 BHT and cleaning between 1000-1800 BHT. I had some painless root canal treatment for 10,000 and some other work including 2 crowns for 48,000.

http://www.bumrungrad.com/thailandhospital is one of the oldest, accredited hospitals catering to tourists. They have a number of packages for check ups and surgery for men and women.  

Transport

If you are staying longer than a few days, it is worth buying a smartpass for use on the BTS Skytrain system

Avoid expensive hotel transfers to the city. I was quoted 1700. Take a metered taxi from Suvarnabhumi airport. It cost me 370 including tolls as I asked the driver to take me on the fast freeway.

Food

It is hard not to eat well in Bangkok with a huge range of cuisine available.

I found a lovely place to eat in the Siam area called Somtam restaurant. It often has queues of hungry diners waiting to get in.  

Two vegetarian/seafood options are  

Anothai Soi Rama 9 Hospital and Je Ngor 25 YWCA building 11 floor South Sathorn Rd

A great hairdresser who is used to working with “foreigners” is Nang from The Corner at 942/6 Rama 4 road near Sala Daeng train stop www.hairsalonbangkok.com

I paid 5000 for a Brazilian Keratin treatment (no chemicals and included cut, ½ head h/lights and straightening)

                             

Don't assume anything...

It was worth it just for these views!

“Do you want to go for a walk in the morning?” asks my Chinese friend, Tina.  

“Sure,” I reply, envisioning a relaxing stroll through a country park.

Little did I know that I would end up doing one of the harder hikes, a steep constant vertical climb up the second tallest mountain in Hong Kong on Lantau island.

Luckily I took some nuts, a protein snack and a small bottle of water with me (thankfully when I ran out of water another hiker shared hers) because it’s late afternoon when I drag my weary legs back into "civilization".

Reminds me of the time my brother in law invited me to sample the new chocolate shop that had opened up in Tempe, where he lived at the time.

“Should I change?” I asked as I was still dressed in high heel work shoes. “No need” he replied. “It’s just around the corner”  

It was a very uncomfortable, almost hour walk in Australia’s summer heat through a semi rural area in Sydney’s inner west before that chocolate shop appeared.

The moral of these stories is…

Don’t assume anything. Ask enough questions to be satisfied that you are adequately prepared before setting off for any journey, especially when invited by good friends!

Walk's end at the Buddha car park on Lantau island, Hong Kong. This is the largest seated Buddha in the world

Our hiking leader was very well organised, even bringing small camping stoves to make coffee  for us when we reached the peak

One of the few bits of the hike that was not a steep ascent or descent 

Almost at Lantau Mountain Peak, also known as Phoenix Mountain  

but it took a few rest stops along the way

A proper goodbye to Hong Kong...

My Eurail pass, some Turkish lire and some business cards...remnants from the last leg of my mid life gap year

After a comfortable but sleepless flight from Milan aboard the Cathay Pacific Boeing 777, I arrive in Hong Kong forty five minutes earlier than scheduled at about 6am. As my plane parks at gate 69 and I hear the clunk of the cargo door opening and the ground handlers unloading the bags, I have very mixed feelings.

On the one hand, I am looking forward to seeing my sister, brother in law and niece for Christmas, catching up with friends, and saying a proper goodbye to a place that was home for so long, but on the other it is where I have so many memories with my soon to be ex husband, and that is still a very tender scar.

In contrast, it is a painless exit to collect my baggage, and as I slip the Hong Kong ID card into the reader and place my thumb on the scanner, I realise just how much this place has grown on me and how much I will miss it.

To my mind, it is one of the safest places in the world, one of the most populous and chaotic and yet amazingly efficient and clean. It is a place where I have met the most “citizens of the world”, open minded, inclusive intelligent people with a respect for diversity, and a place that celebrates everyone’s holiday cheerfully, whether it is New Year’s Eve, Halloween, Buddha’s birthday, Thanksgiving or Christmas. It is home to some of the tallest skyscrapers, yet ten minutes from where I lived in Happy Valley, I was hiking in lush, verdant trails with butterflies and hawks, with pythons and wild boar not far away.

It’s not perfect of course. There is huge wastage in Hong Kong; of food, of “old model” electronic equipment and of perfectly good (sometimes brand new) fittings and furnishings whose only crime is not to be “brand name” or “used” and of course the air quality is often pretty dreadful. Dealing with customer services officers can be infuriating at times (but no more so than in other places) and there are a few “cultural” differences regarding etiquette, bodily and other noises and personal space that can be off-putting, if it is not your practice, but that said, it is still a place that I have grown to love.

In the five plus years that I lived here, I have hiked on my own and with friends through many kilometres of the National Parks, explored its high rise malls, shopping centres and markets, written three books (and published one) learned tai chi and qigong and a few phrases in Cantonese and Mandarin, become a “Competent Communicator” with Toastmasters International, joined a book club for the first time, travelled through some “remote” areas of China including a short trip to the Yunnan province as a volunteer English teacher, taught meditation and stress reduction techniques to expats and locals both privately and through a wellbeing centre, and lived in a “gated community” in the new territories, and in a gorgeous low rise apartment which I helped renovate overlooking the Happy Valley race course. At times I felt like a Tai Tai; having a part time helper, regular reflexology sessions and meeting friends for long lunches and tapas meals, at times I was an Aunt, sister and friend grateful for the opportunity to live so close and share each other’s lives and achievements, but my happiest role was being a wife, supporting my friend and husband in his dream of becoming a Captain for a major airline. Apart from seeing my book in print and in the bookstores, my proudest moment was seeing Dave walk through the arrivals hall after earning his four stripes.

As I walk into the arrivals hall, I scan the crowd, and I smile as I catch myself wishing someone was there to meet me. The airport express is waiting and it is a quick 25 minute trip to Central.

“Pow Ma Day, Lam Tong Doh, Sports Rd way, Mgoi” The directions to the waiting taxi to what was my home slip easily off my tongue.

It is a beautiful winter day and the traffic is light because it is so early in the morning. I take the familiar route consciously this time, noticing all the landmarks and neon signs, through Central, past Pacific place, Wan Chai and Causeway Bay, past the race course to Happy Valley, knowing it will probably be a while before I come back again.

“Nido Mgoi”. Stop here please. I tip the driver and cross the street, looking up at the art deco building that was my home. I peer through the glass door and the lock clicks open. “Jo’sun, (Good Morning) I call out to the doorman whose face breaks into a wide grin.  “Jo’sun” he replies and launches into Cantonese as he jumps up from his desk to greet me and pushes the lift button to call the lift.

  

When I knock on the door, Helen, my sister’s long term helper tells me my sister is not home. She has gone all the way to the airport to meet me not realising my plane arrived so early. She had tried to call but my phone was not charged! 

As I wait for her, I realise I am lucky and by the time my niece Ella gives me a warm, still asleep hug, the few tears that I brush away have turned into grateful ones.

For the next week, I spend time with family and friends. I take the MTR to Shatin to stay with my gorgeous friend Carol and her husband and visit Sai Kung, the “fishing village” where I lived for two years. I call in to Sabai Spa, and speak to Linda, the lovely, gentle Thai owner who was the first person to stock my meditation book and who continues to support me and then have lunch with a friend from Tai Chi along the waterfront.

I spend Christmas day with my sister and niece and then with friends of hers having the most delicious traditional Christmas dinner (turkey with all the trimmings) which is great when the weather is cold,  and Boxing day we have “drinks” with other friends (an activity repeated a number of time over subsequent days). I go hiking with two Toastmasters mates, have tea with another, do Qigong at the race course and Victoria Park and wander through the funky streets of Tin Hau, discovering new places to eat and hang out.

It is New Year’s Eve. I have been trying to come up with my “word for the year”, a tradition I have followed since I lived in Sydney. The word usually represents the “energy” I would like to create and/or experience over the coming year. Past words have included “flow”, “enjoy”, “congruence” “presence” and ‘self love”. A few words have been “percolating” over the last week (renew, refresh, replenish), but nothing feels quite right, and then this morning it came to me.

Transform …

For a long time now, the guiding principle underpinning my conscious thoughts, feelings and actions is that they move me closer to a state of “wellbeing”, because in this state I am happy and healthy and feel connected to myself, other people, the universe and my values.

So why “transform”?

I want to transform the experiences of this last year into something meaningful and long lasting

I want to consciously transform any left over feelings of loss from the past into gratitude.

I want to transform my skills, knowledge and experience into a job that allows me to contribute and continue to travel and learn.

I want to consciously transform any negative thoughts, feelings and actions into ones that more closely match the positive state that is “wellbeing”.

And I want to transform my life into a conscious journey of enjoyment, celebration and contribution that recognises each challenge as an opportunity and each moment of joy and tranquillity as the blessing that it truly is.

Sitting in my friend’s high rise apartment in Causeway Bay I can hear the celebrations already underway at Times Square.

The place is usually crowded but now it is impossibly so. It feels good to be close, but not a part of it. Connected and feeling the energy but not involved.

Later in Tin Hau, at Buddy’s Bar, I watch the countdown and fireworks on TV with people I love, sipping champagne and reflecting on what we have learned in life so far.

As my mind travels through a reservoir of rich and complex memories looking for those few sentences that can sum up all the significant learning from a lifetime of experiences; those “ah ha” moments, tipping points, kernels of wisdom, quotes, people and moments that have had impact and shaped who I am today, there is sadness and pride and gratitude and love and finally lightness and I realise that the transformation has already begun.  

Happy New Year!

My gratitude and love to each of you for sharing and contributing to this mid life gap year so far.

Mon x

Now that's a turkey! Christmas Day 2011

My friend Catherine washing tea cups before we eat 

fresh offerings at one of the seafood restaurants along the Sai Kung water front

fish drying in the sun

cheese platter, champagne and my pomegranate salad. It's good to catch up with friends

View from Shatin Hyatt where my friends are living

Sheung Wan a local area that is going up market

although it's still disconcerting buying coffins next door to coffee

There are lots of rules at this local playground

Victoria Park, an oasis in busy Causeway Bay

surrounded by sky scrapers

full of locals doing tai chi

and practising "hands" 

and everywhere reminders that another  New Year is just around the corner.