mymidlifegapyear: A proper goodbye to Hong Kong...

My Eurail pass, some Turkish lire and some business cards...remnants from the last leg of my mid life gap year

After a comfortable but sleepless flight from Milan aboard the Cathay Pacific Boeing 777, I arrive in Hong Kong forty five minutes earlier than scheduled at about 6am. As my plane parks at gate 69 and I hear the clunk of the cargo door opening and the ground handlers unloading the bags, I have very mixed feelings.

On the one hand, I am looking forward to seeing my sister, brother in law and niece for Christmas, catching up with friends, and saying a proper goodbye to a place that was home for so long, but on the other it is where I have so many memories with my soon to be ex husband, and that is still a very tender scar.

In contrast, it is a painless exit to collect my baggage, and as I slip the Hong Kong ID card into the reader and place my thumb on the scanner, I realise just how much this place has grown on me and how much I will miss it.

To my mind, it is one of the safest places in the world, one of the most populous and chaotic and yet amazingly efficient and clean. It is a place where I have met the most “citizens of the world”, open minded, inclusive intelligent people with a respect for diversity, and a place that celebrates everyone’s holiday cheerfully, whether it is New Year’s Eve, Halloween, Buddha’s birthday, Thanksgiving or Christmas. It is home to some of the tallest skyscrapers, yet ten minutes from where I lived in Happy Valley, I was hiking in lush, verdant trails with butterflies and hawks, with pythons and wild boar not far away.

It’s not perfect of course. There is huge wastage in Hong Kong; of food, of “old model” electronic equipment and of perfectly good (sometimes brand new) fittings and furnishings whose only crime is not to be “brand name” or “used” and of course the air quality is often pretty dreadful. Dealing with customer services officers can be infuriating at times (but no more so than in other places) and there are a few “cultural” differences regarding etiquette, bodily and other noises and personal space that can be off-putting, if it is not your practice, but that said, it is still a place that I have grown to love.

In the five plus years that I lived here, I have hiked on my own and with friends through many kilometres of the National Parks, explored its high rise malls, shopping centres and markets, written three books (and published one) learned tai chi and qigong and a few phrases in Cantonese and Mandarin, become a “Competent Communicator” with Toastmasters International, joined a book club for the first time, travelled through some “remote” areas of China including a short trip to the Yunnan province as a volunteer English teacher, taught meditation and stress reduction techniques to expats and locals both privately and through a wellbeing centre, and lived in a “gated community” in the new territories, and in a gorgeous low rise apartment which I helped renovate overlooking the Happy Valley race course. At times I felt like a Tai Tai; having a part time helper, regular reflexology sessions and meeting friends for long lunches and tapas meals, at times I was an Aunt, sister and friend grateful for the opportunity to live so close and share each other’s lives and achievements, but my happiest role was being a wife, supporting my friend and husband in his dream of becoming a Captain for a major airline. Apart from seeing my book in print and in the bookstores, my proudest moment was seeing Dave walk through the arrivals hall after earning his four stripes.

As I walk into the arrivals hall, I scan the crowd, and I smile as I catch myself wishing someone was there to meet me. The airport express is waiting and it is a quick 25 minute trip to Central.

“Pow Ma Day, Lam Tong Doh, Sports Rd way, Mgoi” The directions to the waiting taxi to what was my home slip easily off my tongue.

It is a beautiful winter day and the traffic is light because it is so early in the morning. I take the familiar route consciously this time, noticing all the landmarks and neon signs, through Central, past Pacific place, Wan Chai and Causeway Bay, past the race course to Happy Valley, knowing it will probably be a while before I come back again.

“Nido Mgoi”. Stop here please. I tip the driver and cross the street, looking up at the art deco building that was my home. I peer through the glass door and the lock clicks open. “Jo’sun, (Good Morning) I call out to the doorman whose face breaks into a wide grin. “Jo’sun” he replies and launches into Cantonese as he jumps up from his desk to greet me and pushes the lift button to call the lift.

When I knock on the door, Helen, my sister’s long term helper tells me my sister is not home. She has gone all the way to the airport to meet me not realising my plane arrived so early. She had tried to call but my phone was not charged!

As I wait for her, I realise I am lucky and by the time my niece Ella gives me a warm, still asleep hug, the few tears that I brush away have turned into grateful ones.

For the next week, I spend time with family and friends. I take the MTR to Shatin to stay with my gorgeous friend Carol and her husband and visit Sai Kung, the “fishing village” where I lived for two years. I call in to Sabai Spa, and speak to Linda, the lovely, gentle Thai owner who was the first person to stock my meditation book and who continues to support me and then have lunch with a friend from Tai Chi along the waterfront.

I spend Christmas day with my sister and niece and then with friends of hers having the most delicious traditional Christmas dinner (turkey with all the trimmings) which is great when the weather is cold, and Boxing day we have “drinks” with other friends (an activity repeated a number of time over subsequent days). I go hiking with two Toastmasters mates, have tea with another, do Qigong at the race course and Victoria Park and wander through the funky streets of Tin Hau, discovering new places to eat and hang out.

It is New Year’s Eve. I have been trying to come up with my “word for the year”, a tradition I have followed since I lived in Sydney. The word usually represents the “energy” I would like to create and/or experience over the coming year. Past words have included “flow”, “enjoy”, “congruence” “presence” and ‘self love”. A few words have been “percolating” over the last week (renew, refresh, replenish), but nothing feels quite right, and then this morning it came to me.

Transform …

For a long time now, the guiding principle underpinning my conscious thoughts, feelings and actions is that they move me closer to a state of “wellbeing”, because in this state I am happy and healthy and feel connected to myself, other people, the universe and my values.

So why “transform”?

I want to transform the experiences of this last year into something meaningful and long lasting

I want to consciously transform any left over feelings of loss from the past into gratitude.

I want to transform my skills, knowledge and experience into a job that allows me to contribute and continue to travel and learn.

I want to consciously transform any negative thoughts, feelings and actions into ones that more closely match the positive state that is “wellbeing”.

And I want to transform my life into a conscious journey of enjoyment, celebration and contribution that recognises each challenge as an opportunity and each moment of joy and tranquillity as the blessing that it truly is.

Sitting in my friend’s high rise apartment in Causeway Bay I can hear the celebrations already underway at Times Square.

The place is usually crowded but now it is impossibly so. It feels good to be close, but not a part of it. Connected and feeling the energy but not involved.

Later in Tin Hau, at Buddy’s Bar, I watch the countdown and fireworks on TV with people I love, sipping champagne and reflecting on what we have learned in life so far.

As my mind travels through a reservoir of rich and complex memories looking for those few sentences that can sum up all the significant learning from a lifetime of experiences; those “ah ha” moments, tipping points, kernels of wisdom, quotes, people and moments that have had impact and shaped who I am today, there is sadness and pride and gratitude and love and finally lightness and I realise that the transformation has already begun.

Happy New Year!

My gratitude and love to each of you for sharing and contributing to this mid life gap year so far.

Mon x