mymidlifegapyear: Homeward Bound

My last Business Class trip on staff travel....it was so great while it lasted!

In a few days I will be heading back to Australia.

When I set off on the 12^th March 2011 for this “mid life gap year” experience, there were a few things that I wanted to experience.

The year was to be a kind of “sabbatical”, a chance to travel, cross off a few items on my “bucket list”, do some study, explore the possibility of humanitarian work, and reflect on what I had learned in life so far.

When I left, I also had a few unanswered questions.

Officially, I still have time before my “mid life gap year” is over, but in many ways, when I leave Hong Kong this time, there will be a full stop at the end of an amazing chapter.

That said, this journey is far from over.

The next few months will be different in energy, but I am looking forward to this time as well, and I know that sometime in the future there will be another exclamation mark!

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Anita Moorjaani’s story is fascinating. (www.anitamoorjaani.com) I met her just after she had totally recovered after one of the few medically verified cases of NDE. Her book “Dying to be me” is due out shortly and I am sure it will be a best seller.

I have heard it said that dealing with difficult personal challenges makes you stronger, but I am not so sure. There have been many times when I have felt vulnerable, foolish, weak and confused. What I know for sure is that for a while I felt broken, having lost so much that was important to me at the same time. It took longer than I thought and wanted, and it was not always what I expected, but it was a process that honoured the past, was grounded in the present and was open to the possibility of a happier future. I learned once again, that there is no easy way through loss, but that there was a way to get through it, and it was not “time” that helped me heal. It took a lot of things including, acknowledgement, presence, acceptance, allowing, patience, action, compassion, forgiveness, gratitude, love, support and most importantly self love.

Interestingly, I don’t feel stronger, I just feel more like “me”, and I’m so glad that I didn’t have to literally “die” to get here.

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It’s a beautiful sunny winter morning in Hong Kong when I catch a taxi from Happy Valley to the airport express. As we drive along the racecourse and skyscrapers past a skyline that I know off by heart, I am remembering the excitement I felt when I arrived here for the first time, and all the experiences I have had since then.

I am glad I came back to say a proper goodbye.

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It is a balmy summer evening in Perth when I land. I’m here for a week to see my Dad, and then head over East, to explore Tasmania, visit friends and attend a workshop in Sydney before heading back to Perth in March.

After a busy week, I am glad to be back. It’s been good to see friends and spend time with my Dad and watch myself tentatively walk through the door of my new life alone.

At times I have felt like a visitor but at others it feels like I’m home.

And you can’t tell just by looking at me, but I’ve fallen off a few more pedestals lately, but I don’t feel damaged anymore.

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I’m at Sydney airport, on my way to Hobart, after flying to Cairns.

I’m going to miss the smell and feel and sounds of airports. They have their own energy and rules and schedules, a melting pot of difference, where time stands still and races all at once.

Airports are rich landscapes for observing people and witnessing the best and worst of human nature. Staff can be courteous or officious, passengers can be disgruntled, impatient or excited and people who would never normally meet are thrown together for a brief moment before disappearing back into their own diverse lives, and it is in that intersecting brief space and only if you pay attention and grab the opportunity, that a world of possibilities opens …and closes again…

Kind of like the rest of life...