Antonia and Terziglia are sisters in law. They live next door to “Paradise ” on a property that has been in the family for generations. I met them the other day and was so thrilled when they invited me to have a coffee and to hear a little bit about their life.
Antonia’s husband died 3 years ago, after they celebrated over 60 happy years together. She misses him terribly and even though her 4 children and grandchildren visit regularly she often feels lonely. She proudly shows me a photo of him as a handsome young man in military uniform and another of them together, just newly married.
She is a small but physically and mentally strong 83 year old, used to looking after herself and although she admits to a few aches and pains occasionally, she is grateful for her mainly good health.
Terziglia lives next door with her husband Bepe who has Alzheimer’s disease. The small man lying on the couch in the near foetal position bears no resemblance to the man in the photos above him celebrating his 50th wedding anniversary with his wife and 4 children. For the last 5 years Terziglia has cared for him at home, on her own. She admits that it is hard at times as he doesn’t recognise anyone now, but he is a good man she tells me and he is gentle.
We sit outside in the sunshine overlooking their fields and the retreat house which was part of their family land before the Davis
They tell me about the “early years” with no running water, electricity or means of communication, when going to the shops meant a 10 kilometre return walk into Assisi
They reminisce about their lives as young wives and mothers with long days spent caring for children, cooking, feeding animals and carrying food to their men folk working long hours in the fields. Between them they have raised 8 children rarely leaving the property except to go to church and to shop. Even now they are isolated as they don’t drive and have few visitors except for their children and a man who calls in once a week to sell them provisions. Neither woman progressed beyond primary school. The life they describe sounds harsh. I imagine them both heavily pregnant and climbing trees to strip leaves to feed their animals and carrying heavy baskets on their heads, the pain and stiffness in their neck and shoulders now, a legacy of that time. Their modest home seems almost luxurious compared to what they have lived with in the past.
I imagine them doing their weekly washing in a nearby creek and sitting proudly around family meals with their brood, the young cousins growing up firm friends.
When I leave them a few hours later, it is with the taste of coffee in my mouth, fresh eggs and still warm biscuits in my hand and a deep respect and gratitude in my heart.
Cast out of Paradise !
Looking back, it was probably one of the strangest experiences of my life and I am still not quite sure how it happened but I am the first person I know to be asked to leave a meditation retreat!
It was not, as my dear brother-in-law, John, gently suggested tongue in cheek, because I was too “quiet”, but because I wanted to (as was actually suggested by the people running the retreat) follow my own schedule. The hour long morning meditation session (usually longer after listening to the bells and some daily “words of wisdom” by Bruce held indoors at 8.50 was right when I would ideally be off hiking or writing on my own (I usually get up very early and do my own meditation and qigong practice) and then after a one to one with each person to see how they were going, Ruth held a kind of moving meditation at 11.30 which left little time after lunch and other domestics to “be in silence on your own” until the evening meditation session.
One of the first things that Bruce said and I particularly liked was that the retreat could be as structured or unstructured as we liked and needed and that they were there to support us to enable us to “go deep”, give and receive the gift of silence, and be gentle with ourselves to enable us to get to a place of spaciousness and stillness not possible in our normal busy lives.
Sounds good, so far.
But after struggling for four days with being indoors in an enclosed space sitting still with the smell of funereal incense thick in the air, and the silence punctuated at times with stomach rumbles, coughs, throat clearing and other bodily eruptions, while glimpsing the gorgeous greenery and nature outside and wishing I could be out there or reading or writing on my own, I was torn between wanting to do my own thing, or going along with their program and be open to the experience.
After being reminded that this was my retreat and I should do what needed, I dared do exactly that, when it was politely but firmly suggested I find another place to stay.
mmm... interesting…
So, with not a lot of time to come up with or enact plan B, as I was expecting to stay in Paradise for another week, and simultaneously trying to make the most of my last hours there, pack and decide what to do next (not rendered an easy task as communicating with the outside world was fairly frowned upon as well, I decided to head to Rome and see what happened.
Later, after a leisurely 2 hour train trip, over a couple of Prosecco’s and fabulous food, my gorgeous new BF’s and Aussie meditators discussed the many inconsistencies we had experienced during our stay. Ok we are all hypocritical at times but most of us don’t set ourselves up in quite the same way as these “professional spiritual leaders”did..
What’s weird is that they just didn’t seem to “get” just how hypocritical they were, harping on about how “safe” the place was and ignoring the fact that one of young “guests” was distressed or being so concerned about sticking to their rules and the way they do things as to ignore the real needs of the people seeking a safe and nurturing environment, which invalidated a really big part of what they said.
I could go on about some other things, like the “hidden” transport costs, but I won’t because the overwhelming thing I will take away from my time there is the stunning setting, the lovely space they have created within it and that overall the experience was hugely positive, and I met the most wonderful, smart, gutsy, gorgeous young and older women and a nice taxi driver!
Anyway, as I sit at Rome airport about to head off to Cappodocia and think back on my time in Assisi
Bring on the next adventure!
Mon x
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| on my knees but I still had to leave! |
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| a truly peaceful place to sit and absorb the stillness |
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