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| remembering Cobain (Artwork Venice) |
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| the water is rising |
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| Piazza San Marco under water |
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| it's a photo opportunity |
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| and a chance for an easy paddle |
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| they are prepared for the water here |
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| and for her many moods |
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| the oldest patisserie in Venice |
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| every building has a story |
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| peaceful place to pause |
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| it's a quiet day on the canal |
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| Standing on one of Venice's many bridges after a very memorable early morning walk |
I volunteer to deal with my (issue, problem, goal, challenge) in regard to public speaking and a few other people join me “up the front”. I have my hands behind my back and am tapping the sides of my fingers with my thumb.
“I’m Monica and I have a great fear of public speaking”, I say.
Beside me is a man who is unable to cry, and a kindly woman with a Pomeranian who looks after everyone else but not herself but I can’t really remember the other people or their issues. After all, this part of my journey is “all about me”. I am taking an opportunity to focus on myself, a kind of emotional overhaul (hopefully not too painful!) and the idea is that I can also “try out” these new energy techniques for dealing with trauma.
So what’s happening for you now? I think Steve asks.
I want to run away. My heart is pounding and I feel sick. My chest feels tight. It feels difficult to breathe.
In that moment, I am aware of biting and licking my bottom lip.
Did you notice that? He asks the audience, holding my gaze.
“Her mouth has dried up”, someone calls from the audience.
He asks me what is going on.
…my body feels like a mass of sensations and chemical reactions and thoughts all vibrating out of control and my heart keeps pounding and I feel a prick in my eyes and the tears well up.
“A lot, I say” and out tumbles a list of everything that is going on.
Which part do you feel the most? He asks.
I can’t speak. The tears begin their flow over my right eyeball and down my face, joined soon after by the ones from my left one.
I stare at a spot in the distance trying to stay present to what is going on, trying to be gentle with myself, open to and curious about this experience, reminding myself that I am putting myself through this because I want to. It is my choice and it may open a new door.
I point to the area of my heart. “It feels tight here”.
He must have asked me something else, but I don’t remember.
And then there is just sadness.
And when I name it the tears really flow.
Steve gets a box of tissues and hands me one.
“It will take a lot more than that” I blubber and so he hands me another, and another, and another.
“Strange how sadness would be behind a fear of public speaking” he says.
And something about this makes me laugh
And the tears feel less heavy and less sad
And the whole room taps on “this sadness” with me for a while, until we move on to the next person and the cycle starts again.
Later, when Steve checks back in with me I am feeling calmer, the tears have stopped and I feel the energy has moved.
What’s happening now?
I scan my body and my attention rests with my throat, as I stop there the tears well again.
“Mm, I thought it was more with the throat” Steve says
I have a memory of being “punished” if I spoke out in the past.
“Maybe what you have to say isn’t that important” says Steve
Ah I think this might be the “provocative” * part I say out loud.
I notice my left arm is holding my stomach, protecting me.
“I feel vulnerable” I say.
Somehow Steve comes up with the idea of being “Comfortably Numb”. It’s a Pink Floyd song, but I don’t know it.
Does that feel right to tap on?
And interestingly it does. (It resonates with my own idea of “getting to neutral” a place, I have been aiming for, where I would be emotionally safe, but still feel without being overwhelmed.
And comfortably numb feels safe…
So I tap on “Comfortably numb”
Over the next few days the process of tapping continues and Steve and David the workshop leaders continue to explain, demonstrate and provide space for us to see and feel provocative therapy and tapping in practice.
There is much laughing and crying and even a few shocked faces at the sometimes irreverent use of language and provocation.
We tap on ourselves and even on each other, united in a shared experience, slowly moving towards acceptance of our dark side, of those parts of ourselves that we don’t want to own, that we all struggle with at times.
Tapping, and particularly this intuitive SET (Simple Energy Techniques) form combined with PET (Provocative Therapy) might not be for everyone, but it makes a lot of sense to me, and I have seen its powerful, long lasting effects.
It works in part I think because it acknowledges and makes space for the internal struggle that is set in place when we don’t accept what is. It does not require you to “talk about” your problem (issue, challenge or goal) but rather notice the thoughts, feelings or sensations which are present when your problem shows up.
Research done by Steve and David www.eftdownunder.com suggests that tapping on its own is enough to bring about some positive shifts in energy (the simple finger tapping they teach most men in particular is unobtrusive and may function in a similar way to the “worry beads” that many cultures and religions use. Combined with the Provocative part which gives voice to the unspeakable thoughts that serve to block energy and compromise wellbeing it is a very economical, efficacious and enabling technique that can be used as a form of self help or utilised by a skilled therapist to help resolve more complex blockages.
What particularly appeals to me is that you can’t do it wrong! You simply tap on what you are aware of; a thought, a feeling, a sensation and simply notice what happens. For example, I was having real difficulty trying to decide whether to send an email or not. I tapped on “I don’t know what to do”. After a few minutes I felt a really strong sharp back pain (something completely foreign to me) and a feeling of anger. A number of memories and thoughts surfaced too. I just continued to tap on what I noticed and there was a release of some long stored emotion that I was not even aware of. Afterwards I felt much “lighter” and it was as if space had been created in my physical and energy body and some new ideas, thoughts and options became apparent.
I have met some really lovely people on this tapping journey. What has most impressed me is the lack of ego I have felt and the congruence between what people say and what they do. There is a generosity and sharing in this community that I have not felt elsewhere. Of course I am sure, that like all communities, there will be lots of different personalities with different goals. Perhaps I have yet to meet the ones operating from ego or fear. For now, I am just happy to keep tapping and keep noticing what happens.
Out and about in Venice
Enoteca in Piazzale Roma is a good spot for coffee, lunch or a pre-dinner drink. We tried local Venetian wines, a Cabernet Lison DOC and Merlot Lison Doc Toni Bipai Azienda Apric. Seriously good.
Tonono in Ca de Preti is the oldest patisserie in Venice
Gam Gam www.jewishvenice.org in the Old Jewish Ghetto is a place to share good food with friends. The appetizer plate and traditional hot tea are particularly good.
Accommodation
We stayed at Casa D’Andrea http://www.casasantandrea.it/struttura.htm which was a lovely old building in a good location, but I would not recommend it.
* Provocative Therapy http://www.provocativetherapy.com/ is a unique approach developed by Frank Farrelly and Steve and David have combined aspects of it into their own approach.
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