Never say never, but sometimes say "No"…nicely of course!

was it the energy of the angry sea?

Don't let that sweet face fool you...Pippa does not take no for an answer when she offers you food!

a birthday celebration...so we had to try 2 cakes!

gathering lemons from my garden to detox!

This would make a great meditation spot!

Next door neighbour's garden

I have never seen a jogger smiling.

Ok, I know all you joggers out there will disagree vehemently, but seriously I have never seen one that looks happy….They are either grimacing or have a blank look on their faces!

In my experience, walkers on the other hand, tend to be more amiable folk, usually greeting fellow walkers and seeming to actually enjoy their exercise.

I am not a jogger and usually tell people that jogging, and indeed going to the gym, is against my religion. This usually elicits some curious looks, and I can see them wondering what strange cult frowns on these healthy practices. Of course, I am joking, but in fact, in many ways Nature is my religion.

It is in nature that I am able to sit with all of life’s philosophical questions and contemplate, without feeling overwhelmed. It is in nature, that I feel most comfortable and at ease. When I am walking along a beach and I can hear the sound of the waves and smell the ocean and see the colours of the water and sky, I am happy.

And yet… the other day, in spite of all my previous protestations, I went for a jog, and I enjoyed it…I think I even had a smile on my face.

I don’t know what got into me, whether it was the energy of the unusually angry sea, or that I felt the need to do something different, or the music I was singing along to, but whatever it was, it was enjoyable.

I didn’t jog for long. I remember running once and someone laughing at me (they said I reminded them of Phoebe on Friends) and that thought was enough to make me rethink my unusual behaviour. To tell the truth, I was soon out of breath and the insides of my thighs started to hurt (heavens knows why), but for a few minutes, I experienced a kind of runners’ high, and a sense of freedom and spaciousness that was wonderful. 

So I am no longer a jogging virgin, and although I still prefer walking and cycling, being able to greet people and smile, I am glad that I pounded the footpath along Lungomare here at Capo D’Orlando and who knows I may occasionally channel Phoebe again!

There is another, “I’ll never” that I have to admit, is no longer true.

I used to say, “I have never eaten a McDonald’s in my life, and if I go to my grave still not having eaten one, I won’t be disappointed.”

 I only use McDonald’s for their toilets, especially when I am travelling!”

...and yet, I did eat a McDonald’s in India a few years ago.

Did you know that India was the first place where McDonald’s had to change its product or it risked going out of business?

When my Indian friend Belu, suggested eating at McDonald’s in Delhi, I was aghast and quickly trotted out my “I have never eaten…phrase. She insisted that it was no ordinary McDonald’s and that I would not be disappointed. I must admit I was not convinced, but because I was a guest in her home and she was very persuasive and she assured me it was vegetarian and really good, I relented.

I can’t describe just how delicious that McDonald’s meal in Delhi was. I was not disappointed and I am so glad that I was open to doing something that I would previously “never” have done. 

These two experiences remind me of the need to question my “never” statements. Behind words like “never” and “always” lurks fear.

It is when we feel uncertain, uncomfortable or insecure that we seek the certainty of “always” or “never”.

Now, if I catch myself using these words, I usually ask myself, “really”? “Is it really always the case? and if it really is, “should it continue to be?”

I have heard “never” and “always” a lot in my time in Sicily.

“I never eat this with that”, “I always do it this way”, “He never”, “She always”, It’s just the way it’s always been.”

And the longer I am here, the more I understand why. Historically, politically and socially this place (like many others in the world) has been subjected to oppressive and even corrupt rule, and a kind of “learned helplessness” becomes a way of coping.

I’m not sure how much courage I would have had, if this was my home and I was taught from childhood that to stay “safe” meant accepting things that were obviously not fair or right.

I already have so much difficulty saying no….especially when it comes to hospitality.

I am better at it now, but have been so worried about offending people in the past, that I have put my own health at risk.

(I can think of two examples –one was accepting seafood from an old man in Turkey which I suspected was not ok, but he was such a lovely old man and I wanted to support him –a serious case of food poisoning ensued. The other was accepting a home cooked meal from some seriously disadvantaged clients some thirty years ago. I was sooooo sick afterwards that for nearly twenty years, even the thought of eating spaghetti made me sick!)

Hospitality is such a bit part of many cultures. In my experience Italian, Indian and Chinese culture are very similar in being at one end of the spectrum, where the host provides everything, when they invite you to their home or to share a meal with them.

In contrast, our “bring your own” culture, sits on the other end of the spectrum. (Yes it’s nice to share costs and energy preparing for a social function, but unless I am going on a picnic, I don’t want to have to bring food, drink, cutlery and even my own chair when I am “invited” to dinner and I don’t mind “going Dutch” with a small group of good friends, but I don’t want to pay for everyone else’s drinking problem when I am going out in a group of acquaintances!”

Finding a middle ground, makes the most sense to me, but it can be a difficult thing to negotiate.

On an earlier visit to Italy, I actually cut short a visit to my Dad’s home town as I found the hospitality of his relatives so overwhelming. This time in Sicily, I have learned to be more assertive. I have almost got the balance right, only occasionally getting so frustrated that I have either felt controlled or have became controlling myself.

The key I think, is a gentle broken record approach, clearly and succinctly stating your needs and wants, recognising that it will be a constant juggling act, between not overindulging and not missing out on some amazing gustatory experiences and accepting that sometimes you will have to surrender, savour the moment and the experience and then go for a jog!     

A presto

Mon x